tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-288141902024-03-08T14:02:02.527-05:00Washing the Feet of the Saints"Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone." Psalm 71:9Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-27772320736196321142009-09-21T23:17:00.003-04:002017-02-16T19:38:26.357-05:00But my house isn't big enough...Moving mother and all of her equipment into our home was initially a logistical challenge. <br />
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Our house was small and full, with a tiny "great" room, a kitchen, three small bedrooms, two bathrooms, two teenage sons, a young daughter, and Louis and me. <br />
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The larger master bedroom with access to the master bath was clearly the most practical for mother's hospital bed and equipment. The boys shared a bedroom with bunk beds, so Louis and I slept in Emily's room, and Emily slept on the living room couch.<br />
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Hardly ideal, but it worked. A citrus farmer, Louis woke up early every morning, tip-toed through the living room to avoid waking Emily sleeping on the couch and showered in the master bedroom and dressed in the closet so he wouldn't wake mother.<br />
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Eventually we were able to enclose a porch off the kitchen with a futon where Emily could sleep.<br />
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Even before the enclosed gave us a little more breathing room, I don't remember my family ever complaining. Given the opportunity to make the same sacrifices, I have no doubt that they would do so again without hesitation.<br />
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Their attitude reminds me of the quote by <a href="http://www.livingspirituality.org/">Gregory Laughery</a> in the header above: <br />
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<em>"Others come first - through washing feet, laying down lives, loving as Jesus has loved us."</em></blockquote>
Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-37938962354539964622010-10-28T12:03:00.000-04:002017-02-16T19:31:02.226-05:00Honoring "the one who changes the diapers of the incontinent"...A quote from Mark Galli's essay <i><a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/octoberweb-only/52-41.0.html">Insignificant is Beautiful</a>...</i><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>When we think of making a difference, we think about making the world a better place for the next generation, not caretaking people who have no future. This is one reason we are quick to push the incontinent into "managed care" staffed with "skilled nurses." No question that this is indeed a necessary move for many families—I had to do it with my own father, sad to say. But let's face it. A fair amount of our motive is mixed. How much skill does it take to clean up excrement from an elderly body? Mostly it takes forbearance—and a willingness to give oneself night and day to something that, according to our usual reckoning, is not all that significant</i>. </div>
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<a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/octoberweb-only/52-41.0.html">Read the whole essay.</a>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-52271011427520722322010-08-19T22:38:00.003-04:002012-09-27T22:09:01.321-04:00A merry heart...My mother lived with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis for most of her adult life. Her legacy to me in that was that she did so with much grace and humor. She often reminded me that "<i>growing older isn't for sissies</i>", but she spoke with a chuckle and always made light of her disabilities. <br />
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By the time I cared for her in our home, her memory had faded and her disabilities were many, but her ability to laugh through it all remained. </div>
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I remember trying to dress her before figuring out that she needed special clothing. I would get one arm in her shirt sleeve, but not the other, and we'd both laugh at our predicament. Often my own physical struggles made it painful or difficult for me to turn or reposition her in bed. Mother would laugh at my groans, and so would I. </div>
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The laughter was always <b><a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=Proverbs+17:22">good medicine.</a></b></div>
Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-66701965358881069802009-03-31T08:03:00.004-04:002011-10-03T09:03:12.959-04:00From washing feet to washing hair...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mre78-DtyW0/Tomyee-GnsI/AAAAAAAAFDo/c1r_OAXdRfw/s1600/shampoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mre78-DtyW0/Tomyee-GnsI/AAAAAAAAFDo/c1r_OAXdRfw/s1600/shampoo.jpg" /></a></div>
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<center><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hair-Basin-Inflatable-Shampoo-Disabled/dp/B000JS0X64">Inflatable Hair Washing Basin</a> </center><br />
Unfortunately, the nursing home staff did not prepare me very well to bring mother into our home. They were not particularly supportive of our decision and provided only minimal help in arranging for our needs. Even though I was a trained professional nurse, I learned many things about caring for the disabled by trial and error, and one of those was how to wash mother's hair.<br />
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For a brief period after she moved in with us, home health nurses helped me with mother's bed bath 3 days a week, and once a week they used a dry shampoo on mother's hair. But in the hot and humid climate in which we live, dry shampooing was not adequate for giving mother the clean scalp and shiny hair I knew she desired.<br />
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Once again, I searched the internet for a solution and discovered this inflatable basin. It wasn't perfect. I still managed to get the bed wet in the process, but it enabled me to get mother's hair and scalp thoroughly wet for a good shampoo every week - and because I would shortly be getting mother out of bed and changing her sheets, the wetness was only temporary.<br />
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Though you cannot see it in the above picture, the basin had a 40-inch drain tube with a plug that enabled me to thoroughly rinse the shampoo out of her hair by draining the water into a bucket on the floor by the bed.<br />
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Every month or so, I arranged for a beautician to come to our home and give mother a good haircut on a morning after I had shampooed her hair. In fact, because I was unable to leave mother very often, we would often turn the kitchen into a beauty parlor and the beautician would cut my hair and Emily's hair, too.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-11418548535896862352010-08-07T17:30:00.003-04:002010-08-07T17:57:54.223-04:00Dying to self...In a recent conversation with a delightful young friend, we considered what it means to die to self, particularly in the ordinary tasks of every day life, and to live sacrificially in our home and community to the glory of Christ. <div><br /></div><div>The "dying" this young lady referenced was a simple household chore that had nothing to do with family/elderly caregiving, but it's application was obvious. My friend lamented that it should be easier to put her desires and contentment aside for the benefit of other. "<i>But then it wouldn't be dying</i>," I countered. <div><br /></div><div>Truth is, whether it was those days a few years ago that I was caring for my mother or the opportunities I've been given today, I haven't always wanted to <i>wash the feet of the saints</i>. It's been a series of "dying to self" moments. </div></div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-19194656108828659622010-04-03T20:30:00.001-04:002010-04-03T20:33:29.596-04:00Every day is Saturday....<blockquote>Theologically speaking, we all know that today, the Saturday between the Cross and the Resurrection, is the longest day of the year.<br /><br />And, it pictures where we are in life. While we have a certain and fixed hope, we still wait for the return of Christ.<br /><br />Nowhere is this felt more keenly than in the nursing home. </blockquote><br />Read the rest: <a href="http://www.chrisbrauns.com/2010/04/03/in-the-nursing-home-every-day-is-saturday/">In the nursing home, every day is Saturday</a> by Pastor Chris BraunsPatriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-23906825885685564312010-02-04T09:02:00.005-05:002010-02-04T09:36:23.798-05:00Chocolate cake...Since mother's passing years ago, I've tried to be sensitive to the needs of others in similar situations. For the past two years, I've been helping an elderly disabled widow so that she can remain in the home she shares with her single adult son. <br /><br />My friend is unable to safely shower without assistance or accomplish certain tasks, like mailing packages, getting to the beauty shop, or picking up a prescription from the drug store. She can manage other tasks, like changing her bed linens, but it takes great effort and something I can do quickly and easily. <br /><br />Today I am baking a chocolate birthday cake. The cake can cool while I change her sheets and help her shower, and together we will frost and decorate it to surprise her son on his 45th birthday when he comes home from work this evening. It's such a little thing for me, but huge for my friend.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-6705443798367908042009-09-18T17:39:00.006-04:002009-09-18T19:03:56.745-04:00Confidence...My training and practice as a professional nurse most certainly gave me the confidence <em>to choose </em>to care for my mother's complex needs at home, but it wasn't my training and experience that qualified me.<br /><br />I learned from my work in hemodialysis that people without any medical experience can be taught the skills needed to provide in-home hemodialysis treatments for others. The requirements included a desire to learn, the responsibility to practically apply each skill as they had been taught, and the maturity to ask for help when they needed it. I've come to believe that is true of many other non-intensive care treatments, as well.<br /><br />Shortly after mother was moved into our home, despite my training, I realized that I lacked many of the skills needed to care for her. Because home health nurses and a physical therapist were ordered initially, I was able to learn from them how to properly care for mother's bed sores and how to do her range-of-motion exercises. Over time I learned how to provide a variety of treatments I had never used in my nursing practice to meet mother's increasing needs.<br /><br />Though my confidence may have waned a bit initially, I remembered my hemodialysis experience and knew that I could learn what ever skill was needed to provide the loving and personal home care that I so desired for my mother.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-61749443029529544072009-04-01T11:43:00.003-04:002009-04-02T21:04:08.969-04:00Fear of the unknown...<a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3549/3372012917_b000e084fc_m.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3549/3372012917_b000e084fc_m.jpg" border="0" /></a>While waiting for an appointment to speak with our tax preparer a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to talk with his wife, with whom I had only shared polite greetings before.<br /><br />Since my last appointment with our accountant a year ago, he had moved his office into a lovely new home. I told his wife how beautiful I thought their new home and office was, and she preceded to tell me the reasons behind the move. The most important reason, she told me, was that they had moved her mother with Alzheimer's in with them. Building a new home, they could design a bedroom and bathroom for her mother that would accommodate the needs of an older person, and life was much simpler for all of them by connecting the office with the house. <br /><br />As we talked about what it means to care for elderly parents in our home, she told me that others had tried to discourage her. <blockquote><em>You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.<br /><br />Your mother is going to reach a point where you are not going to be able to care for her.<br /><br />It's going to get too hard.</em></blockquote>The truth is, none of us know what awaits us around the corner, but God does... <center><blockquote><em>in your book were written, every one of them,<br />the days that were formed for me,<br />when as yet there was none of them.</em><br />~ Psalm 139:16 </blockquote></center>I also know that when life gets hard, God's wisdom and grace will be abundant for the moment. <blockquote><center><em>But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.</em><br />~ 2 Corinthians 12:9</center></blockquote><span style="font-size:85%;">*Photo - Highway 24 between Chattanooga and Nashville</span>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-35104233675954898832009-03-30T00:01:00.001-04:002009-03-30T08:12:51.138-04:00Pretty in Pink...<a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/71/199800635_ef7a21cc28_o.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/71/199800635_ef7a21cc28_o.jpg" border="0" /></a>During the time mother entered rehab and we moved her into our Pollywog Creek home, I became a bit annoyed with the nursing home staff when I noticed that mother's shirts were always on backwards. I never said anything, but I thought...<em>how difficult can it be to put some one's shirt on right?</em><br /><br />The first morning mother was in our home and I dressed her after her bath I discovered exactly how difficult it can be to dress someone in mother's helpless condition. It's one thing to dress a tiny newborn - though that can be difficult enough - but dressing mother was like dressing a 140-pound newborn.<br /><br />After what seemed like a hour, with one of mother's arms in one sleeve and the rest of her shirt crumpled up behind her back, I gave up in laughter. Mother laughed, too, as I proceeded to re-dress her with her shirt on backwards.<br /><br />Determined to find a solution, I discovered several online resources with clothing for patients with a variety of challenges such as mother's. It was obvious that she needed shirts and dresses with closures in the back and I had fun choosing a variety of dresses in colors she had never worn before - like pink.<br /><br />A natural redhead, many of her long time friends had called mother "Red" as long as I could remember, and redheads do not wear pink, but mother had not been a redhead for many years and I decided to go for it.<br /><br />I thought she looked pretty in pink - don't you?Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-45395467053380321712007-10-31T19:33:00.000-04:002007-10-31T20:43:24.349-04:00A question in my mail box: "How can I encourage someone with a bad attitude who is caring for an elderly relative?"<blockquote>"My grandmother has dementia, but physically she is healthy," my friend explained. "Because of her dementia, she lives with her daughter, but this has created a lot of stress for her daughter and she now has a bad attitude about taking care of her mother. I live too far away to help? Do you have any suggestions I could give to encourage her daughter?"</blockquote><p>Bless her heart! I can only imagine the difficulty of caring for a person with dementia who is physically able to move around.<br /><br />While caring for my mother had its own set of difficulties, she was physically incapacitated and it was like caring for a newborn who could not get up and walk away. The stress of worrying about where an elderly person with dementia might wander off, or dealing with a non-compliant or combative person with dementia must be very difficult.<br /><br />This afternoon I had lunch with a very good friend whose circumstances are very similar to that of the person who asked for suggestions, so I asked my friend today how she is able to maintain a positive attitude while caring for her elderly mother.<br /><br />1. <strong>Understand that it takes an anointing from God.</strong> Every morning she asks the Lord to anoint her for the task of caring for the needs of her mother and the rest of her family. My friend knows that she cannot do this without the strength and wisdom that comes from God alone.<br /><br />2. <strong>Surrender.</strong> Along with praying for daily anointing, she daily surrenders her life - her plans, her desires - to the Lord. <em>"You know the hymn 'I Surrender All'?"</em> she asked. <em>"That is what I have to do. 'All to Jesus, I surrender. I surrender all'." </em><br /><br />3. <strong>Find help.</strong> My friend compiled a list of people she could call on to stay with her mother so that she could do other things from time to time - like go on dates with her husband, or trips out of town. When her daughter lived closer, she would watch her daughter's baby so that her daughter could get away, and then her daughter would watch my friend's mother so that my friend could get away. Now that her daughter has moved far away, my friend relies on her list of other people she can call. She also investigated community resources for respite care.<br /><br />4. <strong>Find ways of making the elderly person feel useful.</strong> My friend's mother helps with the laundry. She can sort and fold clothes.<br /><br />5. <strong>Be patient.</strong> My friend lets her mother do for herself whatever she can, even if it takes longer to accomplish the task. The more the person with dementia can do for themselves, the better they will feel about themselves and be easier to live with. It is also important for the caregiver to accept the quality of work the person is able to do with patience and understanding.<br /><br />Often the person with dementia will make unkind comments and say things they would never say before they had dementia. That can be very difficult for a daughter. I asked my friend if she has learned to let those kind of comments roll off and not be so hurtful. She said that most of the time she can, but there are times that it isn't so easy and that is when she must constantly be taking it before the Lord in prayer and asking Him to protect her heart and mind and give her the ability to respond in love. </p><p>More suggestions can be found in <a href="http://caringforthesaints.blogspot.com/2006/08/can-you-help-carry-burden.html">Can You Carry the Burden</a>. </p><p>I would love to hear from others who could offer words of encouragement.</p>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-30151152690062373982007-03-03T07:54:00.000-05:002007-05-05T13:04:26.591-04:00A little ventWhen my mother went to be with the Lord April 19, 2001, she had supplemental health insurance through AARP. At the time, I informed AARP of mother's death and cancelled her health insurance, along with her AARP membership.<br /><br />However, about once a year correspondence from AARP arrives in the mail, addressed to my mother, as it did yesterday. It begins..... <blockquote><p align="justify">"Dear.......<br /><br />Since your membership ended, AARP added many new and improved member benefits and services.<br /><br />We would very much like to welcome you back to AARP, so you can enjoy those benefits and services...."</p></blockquote>Argh!!!! The first few times I received the letter, I returned it - reminding them of mother's death.<br /><br />Obviously they just don't get it!<br /><br />Now I just throw the letters in the trash. It's their money!Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-71632057972021123442007-03-02T07:08:00.000-05:002007-03-02T07:15:44.859-05:00A missionary at homeAnn Flory Soden shares her caregiving story <a href="http://comfortcafe.net/?p=568"><em>"What About Mom?"</em> </a>at <a href="http://comfortcafe.net">Comfort Cafe</a>.<br /><br />I love what Ann says here:<br /><blockquote><p align="justify">"In her smile I could see that she now agreed with me: my staying home with her was just as important to the Lord as being a missionary in the Philippines."</p></blockquote>Visit <a href="http://comfortcafe.net/">Comfort Cafe </a>and read Ann's caregiving "Life Story" <a href="http://comfortcafe.net/?p=568">here</a>.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-28504280547922544752007-02-13T19:29:00.000-05:002007-02-13T19:36:00.868-05:00"Trading Places"Last evening NBC Nightly News began a series entitled "Trading Places - Caring for Your Parents". Video from last night featured Bryan Williams and his father who lives in an upscale assisted living facility. Tonight's segment featured Tim Russert and his father who lives alone in his home.<br /><br />NBC is urging their viewers/readers to submit their own stories and photos of caring for their parents.<br /><br />You can access these stories and videos <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/">here</a>.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-13046274909517591372007-01-09T20:31:00.001-05:002007-01-09T20:31:57.516-05:00Bed sores and a testimonyEarlier today I received this email from Jennifer:<br /><blockquote><p align="justify">I wrote you several months ago as we were building an addition so my father-in-law could move in w/us. He moved in the beginning of Nov. After just a week & a half, he was in the hospital with pneumonia. After 9 days, he came home...1 day before Thanksgiving. Things went downhill fast and I found myself checking his blood sugar (which my 8 year old son taught me how to do!! He had been watching his grandpa and was able to help me), giving him his medicines 4 times a day, filling his syringes with insulin (until the day came that I had to actually inject him!), and monitoring his breathing treatments. As the days progressed and my fil weakened, the day arrived when I had to clean him and care for him. God gives such grace for exactly what we need to do!<br /><br />He was only home for 2 and a half weeks and then had to be admitted for internal bleeding. The high doses of prednisone he has been on for over a year have done their work.<br /><br />He has been in a nursing home for several weeks now. We want to bring him back home. He is not alone. He does not need to be there. We can care for him, help him exercise, and do all that they have or have not been doing at the home. He also has MRSA and so the attendants don't go in unless they are gowned, masked, & gloved. He is very isolated there.<br /><br />He is also one of the sweetest, politest, and uncomplaining persons I know. He does have a sore on his backside that we will have to care for. They also have him on a different steroid that is through an IV. I've been encouraging my husband that we need to be very proactive in asking questions and seeing what we can actually do here...more than what they are telling us right now, I am sure.<br /><br />We are already getting questions from nurses and other people about why we would want to do this. Why not leave him in the nursing home where others can care for him? We tell them that WE are his family and he is NOT alone and we WANT to do this!! This was why we put on the addition! Granted we didn't expect it to come so soon, but it has and it is what God is calling us to do!<br /><br />We believe that my fil has decided to come to Jesus for salvation during this time! I'm sorry I wrote so much. Wanted to share... I appreciate knowing some of what we<br />can do to help with the bed sores! Thank you! </p></blockquote>Jennifer, please do not apologize for writing "so much". The testimony of your love for your father in law, and your family's desire to care for him at home is a beautiful one. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. God does indeed give us grace for exactly what we need at the moment.<br /><br />Don't be surprised if you continue to receive questions from those in the medical profession, and even family and friends, about why you would want to assume responsibility for your father in law's care, rather than relinquish that responsibility to the nursing home staff. There are many possible reasons why they would like for you to keep your father in law in the nursing home. Doctors like it because they can turn the day to day care of that patient over to the nursing home staff doctor and not have to be concerned about middle of the night phone calls from family. Nurses love caring for patients like your father in law who are kind and not demanding. The nursing staff is also threatened by family who question the care their loved one is receiving.<br /><br />My advice to you would be to remain proactive in your questioning, but with gentleness. Avoid putting the nursing home staff on the defensive. It will only make it more difficult for you to get the information you need to bring your father in law home.<br /><br />When I removed my mother from the nursing home, she had bedsores on both heels that the nursing home had neither acknowledged or treated, but Medicare provided several weeks of home health care that was initially very helpful. A home health nurse performed an initial assessment of mother's needs and then obtained the doctor's orders I needed for the treatment of those bedsores. Eventually they also helped me get an order for an alternating pressure air mattress to prevent the development of future bedsores. The nurses instructed me in how to care for mother's bedsores and provided the dressings until her bedsores were healed.<br /><br />Bedsores are treated according to their classification. They are not all treated in the same way. You will need to ask your father in law's doctor to order initial home health care when he leaves the nursing home so that the home health nurses can instruct you in the particular care needed for your father in law's bedsores.<br /><br />After mother's heels healed, I was very diligent in my care of her skin. I kept her clean and dry, and repositioned her often. I gently massaged her skin after her morning bath, and again before she went to sleep at night to stimulate the circulation to her skin. The alternating pressure air mattress was the best. It allowed me to sleep at night without having to wake up and turn her during the night. Mother never developed another bedsore.<br /><br />You might be interested in reading what I wrote about how I cared for her skin <a href="http://caringforthesaints.blogspot.com/2006/10/washing-feet.html">here</a>.<br /><br />Jennifer, please stay in touch and let me know how you and your father in law are doing. He is so blessed to have you for a daughter in law.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-90056052989046169772006-11-29T21:13:00.000-05:002006-11-29T21:23:50.034-05:00"The Sandwich Generation"Please take 11 minutes and watch this excellent documentary - <a href="http://mediastorm.org/0009.htm">"The Sandwich Generation"</a> - about 83 year old Herbie and his daughter and her family who care for him. As someone who has walked in their shoes, I find their story comforting and encouraging as they articulate many of the feelings I experienced. (HT - <a href="http://www.generationsandwich.blogspot.com/">Pat at Sometimes I Feel Like a Piece of Bologna)</a>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-31560581787839937442006-11-25T22:36:00.000-05:002006-11-29T08:32:56.291-05:00"Do you have any idea what you would have gotten yourself into?"<div align="justify">On the way to my brother's house Thanksgiving morning, we stopped to visit with Louis' aunt and her sister - both widows in their 80's who look absolutely fantastic for their age. Some how the conversation became focused on nursing homes. Louis informed his aunt, as he has done numerous times in the past, that she doesn't even need to consider living in a nursing home because should she need the assistance, we would be delighted to have her live with us. </div><br /><div align="justify">Louis' Aunt V had lived in a nearby nursing home and developed severe bed sores that eventually led to her death from infection. It was horrible, and totally preventable. Louis reminded his aunt and her sister that we had wanted Aunt V to come live us.</div><br /><div align="justify"><em>"Do you have any idea what you would have gotten yourself into?"</em> Louis' aunt's sister quizzed us.</div><br /><div align="justify">Turning to me Louis said, <em>"We did it for two years for Pat's mom!"</em></div><br /><div align="justify"><em>"It was like caring for a 140 pound baby," </em>I explained, <em>"but I did it. I had to figure out many things for myself, but eventually I was able to get a hoyer lift to get mother in and out of bed and an alternating pressure mattress so I did not have to get up during the night to turn her."</em></div><br /><div align="justify"><em>"I bathed her, turned her, fed her, changed her, read to her, talked to her, and loved her,"</em> I added.</div><br /><div align="justify">I miss her so very much. I would be so honored to still be caring for her if the Lord had let her stay here longer. </div><br /><div align="justify">I<strong> really</strong> would.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Even without our conversation, I had been thinking about my mother a lot lately. She had been discharged from the hospital to the rehab center where daddy was in a nursing home because she had been having difficulty walking and couldn't be at home by herself, and it was on a Thanksgiving morning that the center called to tell me that they had sent mother to the hospital in an ambulance after finding her slumped over in her wheelchair and unresponsive. </div><br /><div align="justify">For the first time, we had decided not to cook a big meal that Thanksgiving, but to help serve at a meal being provided by a local church. Instead, we headed three hours north to the hospital where mother had been taken and the nursing home where my daddy was living. </div><br /><div align="justify">Memories of many of the details of the next week and a half are sketchy, but my mother's health continued to decline, and my father died after a brief hospitalization just 10 days after Thanksgiving. </div><br /><div align="justify">A few days before Christmas, my bedridden mother was moved into our home. </div><br /><div align="justify">The truth is that I really didn't have any idea what I had gotten myself into, but I knew that I could love on my mother and provide much better care for her than she was receiving in an institution. </div><br /><div align="justify">I won't lie. It was hard - very hard, and even though I did not know what I had gotten myself into -<strong> I really would do it again. </strong></div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-17344963744938787672006-10-27T16:15:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:32:27.520-05:00Washing FeetWhile caring for my mother, maintaining her skin integrity was a priority. As a professional nurse, I knew how easy it was to develop bed sores, as well as how difficult they can be to heal. After only two weeks in a nursing home, she was dehydrated, with dry, scaly skin, and had developed decubitus (bed sores) on both heels. It wasn't until we moved her out of the nursing home and into ours that we discovered the sores on her heels. Fortunately, with proper treatment, her bed sores healed, and I began a practice of massaging her feet twice a day. She never developed another decubitus.<br /><br />My routine for caring for mother's skin, with an emphasis on pressure points included:<br />- Keeping her clean with daily baths using Dove soap with moisturizers.<br />- Rubbing her skin with moisturizers after her bath and at bedtime, massaging her back, heels, elbows and hands twice a day.<br />- Using clean clothing, pajamas and socks every day.<br />- Changing all bed linen every day.<br />- Keeping her hydrated. Mother never asked for anything, but she would drink whatever I offered her.<br />- Providing a balanced diet with adequate protein. I gave her an ensure every day.<br />- Using heel protectors. When she was out of bed and sitting up in her Geri-chair, I kept her feet in boots like these that were lined with lambskin and kept her heels from touching the chair.<br /><br /><a title="Photo Sharing" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/32333404@N00/280831370/"><img height="288" alt="76" src="http://static.flickr.com/119/280831370_eb6773cfb2_o.jpg" width="272" /></a><br />- Changing her position to rotate pressure points. Mother was unable to change her own position. While she was in bed, I would turn her every two hours. During the night, the use of an <a href="http://www.alternatingpressuremattress.com/">alternating pressure mattress </a>made it possible for me to sleep for several hours without waking to turn her. Using a hydraulic lift, I moved her from the bed to the geri chair after her morning bath. After lunch I would put her back in her bed and on either side for a few hours, to relieve the pressure from sitting in the chair. She went back to her chair before supper and then back to bed later in the evening.<br />-Keeping her cool and her skin dry. I had to be alert for her tendency in our humid climate to develop perspiration.Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1158934431154203462006-09-22T10:10:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:32:02.509-05:00What does love mean?This is not the first time I have received the email of children's responses to the question: "What does love mean?", but I thought this one was most appropriate to share here:<br /><blockquote><p align="justify">"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8 </p></blockquote>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1155213831284170572006-08-10T06:10:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:31:35.810-05:00Can you help carry the burden?<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Anonymous left this comment in </span><a href="http://caringforthesaints.blogspot.com/2006/08/typical-caregiver.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The typical caregiver...</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span></div><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Interesting articles, I can relate to both in some ways. I am 38 have been caring for my 79 year old mother for the past 5 years and it's like my world has fallen apart. She requires a LOT of care and is somewhat un-thankful of all that I do for her. I'm not asking for an award or anything like that, but it would be nice for her to be pleasant and not order my husband and I around constantly.</span></p></blockquote><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Anon, I very much admire your willingness to care for your mom. I know that it must be very difficult. As I look at the difference in your ages, I am reminded that this is the exact difference in the age of my daughter and me, and I wondered if she will need to care for me some day. If she does, I pray that I will be pleasant and not demanding.<br /><br />As a registered nurse, I encountered many patients with difficult and demanding personalities, and almost without exception, the nursing staff would avoid them if at all possible. What I have observed about older people is that they are often demanding because they are afraid or lonely. Avoiding them only increases that fear and loneliness. What we learned was that if we appeared more interested in them, checked in on them more often, or went out of our way to offer special care and attention, they would more often than not, become much more pleasant to work with, as well as less demanding. </div></span><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Since I've been taking care of her-I had to cut my hours at work to part time, have to get by on anywhere from 0 to 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, have had 2 miscarriages, been on a constant struggle at work(I've made mistakes and got written up), am no longer able to keep in contact with my friends, do not go out socially, worry about my husband leaving because we don't have much quality time together, my blood pressure and cholesterol levels have skyrocketed (I had to give up going to the gym), have gained weight, I also paint and am on the verge of giving that up completely because the only painting I get to do is at the expense of sleep. </span></p></blockquote><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Bless your heart - you really could use some help! This is one of those situations that I strongly believe the Church needs to embrace. Do you attend a church? If so, I would encourage you to make an appointment with your pastor and make him aware of your situation and needs. Many churches have a parish nurse on staff that help you connect with the resources - both inside and outside the church - that you need.<br /><br />A </span><a href="http://www.stephenministries.org/stephenministry/default.cfm/917"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Stephen Ministry </span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">caregiver might also be very helpful if your mother is receptive. If your church does not have a Stephen Ministry, find out who in your community does. A Stephen Minister is a lay person who can visit with your mom on a regular basis and provide friendship and a listening ear. One of my dearest friends, who works full time outside the home, has an elderly mother living with her. Now that her mother has a Stephen Minister visiting her once a week, her mother has been much less lonely and demanding on my friend.<br /><br />Are there any adult daycare centers in your area that your mother could attend a day or two a week? At first, my father resisted going, but he quickly adjusted and looked forward to the days he was able to go. </span></div><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Also, I have no siblings, no relatives who live close by, all I have for help is my husband, a visiting nurse who comes in once a week and a home health aide who comes twice a week who is NO help at all. What is a home health aide suppose to do? The one we have is slick, she figured out that if she comes after I've left for work the commode is already emptied and cleaned, her colostomy stuff is already cleaned (my mom has a bag and she empties the continents into a urinal several times a day)so all the home health aide does is give her a sponge bath and makes the bed. Sometimes she washes my mom's hair, we have a hose in the kitchen sink for that. The home health aide just takes the dirty dishes out of the sink, does her hair then puts the dirty dishes back in. I do not have time for dishes before I leave for work, I have the commode, the colostomy, get her breakfast, her meds, and so on. </span></p></blockquote><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Once I moved my mother into our home, I only had the help of my husband and children, as well. It is very difficult, I know. I also understand the strain on a marriage and though our marriage survived that season, I can look back and see that we should have taken better care of our relationship with each other, so I urge you to do just that. I am assuming that your husband is as willing to have your mother in your home as my husband was to have my mother here, but the situation places a huge burden on a marriage relationship.<br /><br />My mother had very few monetary assets, but we made the decision early on that we would not be concerned with trying to save any of them. We used as much of mother's money as we felt necessary to provide the best care for her we could, and sometimes that meant taking care of us. I was fortunate to find an agency that could provide half-day care for mother so that I could leave the house from time to time. Even though it was expensive, it was worth it.<br /><br />I had a friend who was willing to stay with mother so that I could go out of town, and my nephew and his wife also stayed with mom one weekend. I should have asked for more help from my friends at church, but I didn't want to impose. I know now that it would not have been an imposition. I was probably just too proud to ask for the help I really needed.<br /><br />It sounds to me like you need to discuss the problems you are having with the caregivers that are coming into your home with the agency that is providing them. When my mother was first moved into our home, Medicare provided an aide 2-3 days a week, but fortunately, I was at home while they were here. All they did was give mother a bath and help me wash her hair once a week, but mother's care required two people.<br /><br />I cannot imagine how stressful my life would have been if I had to work outside the home and care for my mother, too, but I had stopped working outside the home years before I became a caregiver to my mother. I believe that one of the reasons we are faced with this crisis in health care and the elderly is because so many woman with families have chosen careers outside the home and are now unavailable to care to for the elderly as in past generations.<br /><br />That doesn't help anon, though, and I pray that I do not burden her with guilt for working outside the home. She desperately needs help where she is right now.<br /><br />We, the church, must open our eyes to the needs of those around us. The bottom line in the headmistress' </span><a href="http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2006/08/love-thy-neighbor.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Love Thy Neighbor</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> at </span><a href="http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The Common Room</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> was: <blockquote>"Christians ought to be a warm and vibrant part of that community."</blockquote>She was comparing the difference between personal charity and government assistant to the poor and needy, but the same principal applies to those like anon who need help in caring for their elderly parents at home.<br /><br />Can you imagine the impact - the evangelistic outreach - if every Christian family would provide even one hour a week, or half a day or day a month, of respite care or provide meals or housekeeping to a caregiving family in their neighborhood, community, or church?<br /><br />There are woman just like anon all around us. We need spiritual eyes to see them, and the love of Christ to move us to action.</span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><blockquote><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2</span> </span></blockquote></div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1155167146658738432006-08-09T19:31:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:29:53.173-05:00The typical caregiver....<div align="justify">....according to <a href="http://www.voanews.com/english/AmericanLife/2006-08-04-voa47.cfm">a report by Faiza Elmasry at Voice of America</a>....is a women who is 46 years old, with a job outside the home, and spends 20 hours a week caring for a mother who leaves nearby.</div><div align="justify"></div><br /><div align="justify">In her report, Elmasy quotes author Mary Lou Quinlan, who discourages women from leaving their jobs to care for family.</div><div align="justify"></div><br /><div align="justify">I totally disagree.</div><br /><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"><a class="media-asset" onclick="dcsMultiTrack('DCS.dcsuri','http://128.11.143.113/mediaassets/english/2006_08/Audio/ra/Elmasry_Burden_of_caring.ra','WT.media','RAMFILE:http://128.11.143.113/mediaassets/english/2006_08/Audio/ra/Elmasry_Burden_of_caring.ra,Middle-Aged Women Care for Older Generation,english,/english/AmericanLife/2006-08-04-voa47.cfm,english,/english/AmericanLife/2006-08-04-voa47.cfm');" href="http://128.11.143.113/english/figleaf/ramfilegenerate.cfm?filepath=http%3A%2F%2F128%2E11%2E143%2E113%2Fmediaassets%2Fenglish%2F2006%5F08%2FAudio%2Fra%2FElmasry%5FBurden%5Fof%5Fcaring%2Era">Listen to Elmasry report here. </a></div><div align="justify"></div><br /><div align="justify">Jennifer is a 37 year old divorced woman who no longer works outside the home so that she can care for her 97 year old grandmother. <a href="http://www.theledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060806/NEWS/608060341/1326">Read about Jennifer and her grandmother Donna here</a>. They sound like quite a pair!</div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1153761676337999832006-07-24T13:20:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:28:46.263-05:00When I am old...<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><a href="http://nottinbutknittin.blogspot.com/">Tracey</a> was very kind to bring attention to <a href="http://caringforthesaints.blogspot.com">"Washing the Feet of the Saints"</a> in her <a href="http://www.christianwomenonline.net/2006/07/when-i-am-old.html"></a><a href="http://www.christianwomenonline.net/blog.html">Christian Women Online Blog</a> post yesterday. In her post, <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">"...when I am old..."</span> , Tracey humbly shares her rather brief employment at a nursing home when she was a very young adult, and how she has been blessed to witness the generations in her family as they have lovingly cared for each other over the years. Tracey - thank you - and welcome to all of you who have found your way to this place by way of Tracey and Christian Women Online.<br /><br />Tracey mentioned how touched she was by the black and white photograph of my parents' hands here. I wrote the <a href="http://pollywogcreekporch.blogspot.com/2006/01/beauty-of-winter.html">Beauty of Winter</a> about that photograph, a section that was cropped from a photograph taken by my nephew Michael White. It is a stark reminder to me of both the sanctity of human life, and the desire we have to reach out to those we love in our time of need.<br /><br />Tracey also indicated that I am presently a caregiver - if only it were so. My father died 7 years ago, and my mother 5. I miss both of them more than words can express, and would give almost anything to have them still with us, but that would be selfish. I am comforted, however, to know that they are no longer encumbered and trapped by the diseases, pain and suffering that characterized their final years on earth and firmly convinced that they are rejoicing in their eternal life with Christ in Glory.<br /><br />My caregiving years began on the road, as I traveled back and forth from my home to my parents' - more and more frequently, as their health deteriorated over time. My brother and his family, who lived in the same house with my parents, met most of their needs before my father's death, when we moved my mother into our home.<br /><br />My father was in a nursing home for just 2 1/2 months before his death. Despite my objections, my mother had been rather insistent that my father move into the nursing home. Though it was a nice, clean facility, I believe that it was living in the nursing home that ultimately led to his death. Over the 2 1/2 months that my father was in the nursing home, my mother's health rapidly spiraled downward. After 3 hospitalizations and as many stays in the rehab center connected to my father's nursing home, my mother went from walking to using a cane, to using a walker, to not being able to walk or stand. When dad entered the nursing home, mother was able to perform all her activities of daily living and manifested only minor memory impairment. Two and 1/2 months later she couldn't even brush her own teeth and had no short-term memory - and no one - not even her team of doctors - knew exactly what had happened.<br /><br />Two weeks after my father's death, with bedsores on both heels, dehydrated and malnourished, my mother made the three hour trip in a medical transport van from the rehab center to our home. It was a time of unparralled grief for me, and the beginning of the experience that I hope to share in much greater detail - offering hope and encouragement to others - here at Washing the Feet of the Saints.</div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1153748988090274402006-07-24T09:45:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:28:10.328-05:00"I see to the necessary things now"<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Over the weekend, I discovered </span><a href="http://www.csec.org/csec/sermon/Wangerin_4004.htm"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">a teaching on what it means to honor the elderly </span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">by Walter Wangerin - a writer, Lutheran minister, and University Professor from Valparaiso, Indiana. In this teaching, Pastor Wangerin shares the poignant story of his friend Melvin - a touching example of honoring through family caregiving: </div><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"By the smell in the room I knew what Melvin was doing. He was cleaning the waste away of his mother. He was washing her and changing her diapers. My friend Melvin was keeping the commandment of God, honoring his mother. While he was doing it, he was singing, singing in the tongue of her childhood, in German softly. [Singing in German ] And then I understood something else, too. His mother was not in pain. His mother was in joy. She was also singing at the top of her lungs "Yaah, na na na nah!" and I have no doubt that the woman felt as beautiful as she did when she was a child running free in the fields with a yellow dress and with a ribbon in her hair."</span></p></blockquote></span><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Pastor Wangerin concludes his teaching with these words: </div><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"When I am asked: How is the nation? What about the community? Will it last, Walt? Is it healthy? Then I think of Melvin, and I say the signs are good. When anyone of us with elders grant unto that elderly the honor of God so that God becomes the nexus between us and the older generation, then generation by generation we drop deep roots. The honor itself becomes the very stuff of our society. And yes, yes, we shall live long in the land that God has given us."</span></p></blockquote></span><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">As I read Pastor Wangerin's story about Melvin and his mother, I remembered a book - <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0920668372/ref=si3_rdr_bb_product/103-3647218-2840625?ie=UTF8"><em>Love You Forever</em>, by Robert Munsch</a> - that my mother gave to me nearly twenty years ago when it was first released. It is the story of a boy and his mother...and the song the mother sang to her son from the time he was a newborn - a song that expressed a love for her son that transcended time and circumstances. In the end, the roles are reversed, and the son not only sings this same song to his newborn daughter, but to his elderly mother , as he tenderly rocks her in her time of need. </div><blockquote><p align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"I'll love you forever</span></p><p align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I'll like you for always, </span></p><p align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">As long as I'm living </span></p><p align="center"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">my Mommy you'll be."</span></p></blockquote></span><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><em>"Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone</em>." </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Psalm 71:9</span></div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1153402287188793132006-07-20T09:30:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:27:24.694-05:00This looks interesting...<a href="http://www.quietcare.com">Quiet Care</a>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28814190.post-1153401967832041712006-07-20T09:06:00.000-04:002006-11-29T08:26:24.354-05:00"State working on plan to help elderly stay at home"<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">According to </span><a href="http://www.bismarcktribune.com/articles/2006/07/18/news/local/117954.txt"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">this article </span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">the state of North Dakota Department of Human Services has determined that: </span></div><blockquote><p align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Helping seniors and the disabled live in their own homes is the goal of a quadrennial plan that state officials have nearly completed.</span></p></blockquote><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And it is an admirable goal - except that it continues to assume that the responsibility for keeping the elderly at home or in the home of family caregivers lies with the state and not with the family. </span></div><br /><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The draft of a report outlining their plan for achieving this goal can be read </span><a href="www.nd.gov/humanservices/info/pubs/docs/oaa-state-plan-on-aging-draft-2007-2010.pdf."><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">here</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">.</span></div><br /><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Last evening I had a long conversation with a young mother who was curious about my plans when Emily leaves home, and wondered if I would return to my nursing career. I explained to her that I made the decision after my mother died to no longer keep up my certification - that I had been away from nursing too many years to safely practice without considerable re-education, but that doesn't mean that my education and skills cannot be used in a different way. </span></div><br /><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Helping families to understand the stay-at-home options for family caregiving and giving caregivers the confidence and tools to do so apart from government/tax payer support is my goal, and like the state of North Dakota, I'm working on a plan.</span> </div>Patriciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10435071269417046903noreply@blogger.com0